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How to Coach a Targaryen Queen

How to Coach a Targaryen Queen

With deference and caution…

Seriously though, with the new Game of Thrones season only two weeks away, and the LīF Series out and running, I have been pondering important things such as: “How would one coach the Mother of Dragons?”

As an avid fan of the series (both written and televised) I can’t express how amazingly cool it would be to actually help some of these characters along the way. Let’s be honest, they could all use a little coaching and a LOT of THERAPY.

Here’s what I would recommend to some of my favorites

INSIGHT: From the youngest to the boldest everyone could use a bit of introspection

All great stories start with a great insight.

In myths and legends insight often comes in the form of a life-altering a-ha moment, a revelation or a prophecy that shifts the perspective of the hero and sends them on an unparalleled quest to attain greatness and fulfillment (or die tragically in the process).

Real life is no different; in order to make the journey through your everyday truly amazing you need to start by gaining a deep and profoundly relevant understanding of who you are. Without the right insight you risk  jumping from one pursuit to another, desperately trying to find something that feels right, but wasting time, effort and motivation along the way.

The need for insight can be something that comes up early in life – think your average teenager to twentysomething who is trying to figure themselves out –  or it can appear later in life when you go from feeling like you have it all figured out, to realizing that what you’re doing just isn’t cutting it anymore – think midlife crisis.

arya starkIf I could, I’d send a LīF Kit – INSIGHT Edition to Arya Stark. Poor kid is thrust in a world where she doesn’t get a minute to figure out who she is, what she wants, or where she belongs  – and the girl hasn’t even hit puberty yet! Her choices aren’t really choices at all, they are all reactions to events that are put in motion by the adults in her life.

There is no purposeful plan, no personal element in the path she is taking, only reflexive reactions to the stimuli in her world. Gender-role, personal causes/values, vocation, politics – Arya doesn’t get to make much in terms of mindful choices. This kid is in dire need of a break and some coaching to figure out what she really wants, and needs for herself – beyond avenging every member of her family. Insight could go a long way in helping her slow down and find some peace.

jamieJamie Lannister – who is more on the midlife crisis end of the spectrum- would also get the INSIGHT Edition. Like many of us in the prime of our adulthood, Jamie’s life experiences have changed him, making a renewed personal definition necessary if he wants a chance to thrive.

Once proud, strong, powerful, handsome, in love and incestuous, by the end of Book V the poor guy is in the midst of a huge identity crisis. Still handsome, but crippled, still proud, but broken, in love, but rejected, the man cannot figure out if he wants to be the Jamie of old or a nobler, less villainous and slightly more socially acceptable version of himself. The LīF Kit could really help him figure out what to focus on now, and where he wants to go with regards to love, career and personal aspiration. Given his particular circumstances, he might do even better with LīF 1:1, the guy could use some support and mentorship in these hard times.

ROADBLOCKS: The demons of your past shouldn’t hold you back from thriving

It’s one thing to know what you really want out of life, and to finally understand what you can do to be truly fulfilled, it’s another to make it happen. Insight is necessary, but not sufficient for change to occur. Before you can move forward on the path of success, you have to face and overcome your roadblocks. No story would be worth much without some dragons to slay, demons to battle and barriers to get through. It makes for an excellent plot.

Good thing for us and our life stories, there are plenty of roadblocks that can get in the way of our success.  The roadblocks most of us focus on are situational ones (the rickety bridge that needs to crossed with a heavy load, the lack of gold when we really need to buy  a new armor), but the ones that hold us back the most are cognitive and emotional (the guilt of killing out mothers in childbirth, our assumed inferiority because we were born out of wedlock).

To slay these dragons requires further insight, heroic courage and a willingness to take on our darkest fears – it’s the thing legends are made of.

jon snowThe LīF ROADBLOCK Phase is designed specifically to help people understand, confront and overcome all three of these barriers to greatness. When Jon Snow comes back in Season VI and the second I get Tyrion Lannister’s mailing address, I am sending them the LīF Kit – ROADBLOCK Edition.

tyrionWith the right questions, strategy and model in hand I’ll have them completely understanding their insecurities, facing their fears of failure, and overcoming their daddy issues in no time.

With these roadblocks in plain sight, they’ll be able to navigate their worlds and finally find a sense of peace, belonging and purpose. No more wanting something (like love or the career of your choosing) and not going for it 100% because of the fear of parental disapprobation or the assumption that they aren’t capable of greatness on their own merit.

ACTION: When you know what you want, and you have the courage to pursue it but you still need a strategy that’ll work for you.

Once you know what you need/value, and you’ve figured out and are ready to face your roadblocks the last step to creating a great life story is moving into action. Sadly, there are plenty of people who are 2/3 of the way there and are stymied by the lack of plan that is right for them.

What does it mean to have a plan that is right for you? It means that your objectives are meaningful (INSIGHT gets you this), that your obstacles to success are addressed (that’s where the ROADBLOCK work really shines) and that you have a strategy that you can put in place that is both realistic and tailored to your personal life circumstances and strengths. No more doing things according to some cookie cutter one-size-fits-all approach. After all, just because something worked for someone else doesn’t mean it will work for you. A plan that is right for you will be efficient and effective.

Take Daenerys Targaryen for example: the young regent is clearly pursuing what she wants. She has identified her own priorities and is true to her values and needs through and through.

d 2She is strong and brave, she’s faced her fears, slaughtered some of her roadblocks and doesn’t shy away from change simply because the path isn’t smooth sailing. But, her strategy is haphazard and her plan doesn’t always account for her insights or some of the roadblocks she’s facing.

She too frequently allows others to convince her to use their methods and it blows up in her face every time. Now she stranded in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by a hoard of Dothraki and not much closer to her dream of ruling the Seven Kingdoms – that doesn’t seem like a goal directed step.

Daenerys-Targaryen-GIFsWhat Daenerys needs is the LīF Kit – ACTION Edition. With that she could come up with some solid short, medium and long terms steps to get back on that throne. She’d have a personalized strategy to ensure success when she faces a roadblock and she’d have created an accountability process to make sure she was on track with her goals. No more waffling or second guessing her approach, there would be only clear trust in a plan of action that she knew was right for her and therefore effective.

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Hi! I'm Dr. Alessandra Wall

I help smart driven women and forward-thinking companies bridge the gap & build real conversations.

Here on the ‘Dr. Wall Says’, I share tools, tips, and insights about speaking up, getting heard and how women can take up space and thrive in the 21st century.



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